Psychosis
by Ice1taru
Summary: The sequel to INSANITY, it's from Mamoru's point of view.. opposite to Usagi's.. oneshot


Title: Psychosis  
  
Author: Ice1Taru  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.  
  
AN: This is the sequel to my other whack story, Insanity. Just a note here; I'm not claiming to know how guys think, because I DON'T know how guys think, coz if I did, *laughs bitterly* my life would be a whole lot easier. No, seriously, I'm just saying this because I know some guy is going to read this story and think that I am some kind of air-headed, cocky, arrogant, lowlife trying to pretend I can read guys' minds or something and they're going to complain, so to save myself from future humiliation, I'm just letting you all know. Oh, and by the way, this is from Mamoru's point of view.. hope ya like..  
  
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Psychosis by Ice1Taru  
  
Crash!   
  
Shit, did that tree just catch fire?  
  
I hope it did.  
  
Burning down into ashes. No longer alive. Not that trees are alive. No, wait, technically they ARE alive. No, no.. wait. aw, screw it, who cares if trees are alive or not. At this point, that burnt tree looks more alive I do. Well, not to say that I don't look alive. I look VERY alive. Heh heh. But that's not the point. I suppose you're wondering why I'm here, gazing out my window, thinking about my *sigh* koishii, Usako, (AN: Koishii: beloved) wondering where she is, what she's doing, what she's wearing, what she's thinking..  
  
Okay, okay. So maybe I sound a bit.. emotional. Yes, it's true, the great Prince Endymion, Mamoru Chiba, Tuxedo Mask, and Neo-King Endymion is about to cry his heart out. And why, you ask? Ah, if only the answer was so simple. If only my life was so simple. But no, my life is very complicated, and that's just putting it mildly.  
  
Well, *yawn*, it's too early to go to sleep yet, I think I have enough time to tell you my.. *wonderful* story..  
  
Okay, so like I said before. Usako is my Koishii, I would die without her. Hell, I'd even die *for* her. If anything happened to her, I'd probably kill myself, and yes; I am very serious. I'd do anything for her. But lately, I've been such a bastard. She probably hates me by now. But the truth is, just to save her from getting hurt, I dumped her. We've been apart for almost a week now, and I'm falling apart. Just like a rose. I am the petals, and Usako is the water. The water that helps me breathe, live, be happy. Before I met her, I used to be so serious all the time, my head buried in books day and night. My parents died when I was young and I've never really let myself get too close to anyone ever since. Anyone, except Usako. We were real close, I saw her every single day since we've been together, even before we got together.   
  
I've been a real jerk to Usako, and why? Well, because I've been having dreams for some time now and they keep on telling me to get away from her or she'll get hurt. Plain and simple, huh? Sounds like a normal nightmare, total and complete shit, right? Wrong. Like I said before, I'm Tuxedo Mask, Endy, future king, blah blah BLAH, nothing is ever normal anymore, not since I discovered who I really was. In fact, I'm still lost; one of my major goals in life is to find out who I truly am, what I'm made of. You know what I mean?  
  
Ah, enough about me, back to Usako.   
  
I've been mean to Usako because of those damned dreams. Oh I'm sorry, not dreams, NIGHTMARES. I remember about a week ago, when I broke it off with her. It was hell.  
  
I bumped into her on my way to the college. As usual, she was late and bumped into me when she was running. She leaned up and put her arms around my neck, like she always does. I calmly removed her arms from my neck. I stood there, looking down at her quizzically, as if I didn't know why the hell she had touched me. Then, as the conceited bastard that I am, I said, "Usagi, I don't think we should see each other any more." For a second, she stared me, as if frozen from shock. "But.. but.. WHY Mamo-chan?!", she stuttered. "First of all, my name is Mamoru. Second of all, I don't love you, you're so childish, clumsy, immature and I could just go on and on, but I won't embarrass you in the middle of the street, in front of all these people", I replied sarcastically. By that time, she had tears streaming down her face. Why Mamoru?! You fucking idiot! Why do you keep on hurting her like that?! And by then, I guess she couldn't take it anymore. I saw her run away from me. I don't know where she went. I sighed miserably and went on my way to school. Yet, I also felt relief spread through my muscles, and my body relaxed. She's safe now, Mamoru, you don't have to worry anymore, I told myself.  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, who am I trying to fool anyway? She is NOT safe! And how do I know? Well, all the tears and the crying and the thrashing in the middle of the night. The sudden depression just going through her delicate body, spreading slowly, driving me and her both insane.. You're wondering how I know she's sad. Well, you see, I kinda, um, you know, well, I, uh, heh, Ifollowherhomealmosteverynighttomakesureshe'sokay.   
  
(AN: For those of you who can't quite make out the fast talking, it says "I follow her home almost every night to make sure she's okay")   
  
Yeah, well, it's not like I'm doing a bad thing, so maybe stalking her isn't the answer, but I can't help it. I feel terrible, it's tearing me up inside. I HAVE to do something. That day, when I broke up with her, was the worst day of my life. After I went to school, I skipped most of my classes because I couldn't stand to be away from her so I went looking for her, I remembered how much she loved the rose gardens, so I went there first. She didn't know I was there. I watched her for hours, crying her heart out. It made me want to cry, too.   
  
But, I didn't cry.   
  
Really.   
  
I didn't.   
  
What?   
  
You don't believe me?  
  
Fine. Be like that.   
  
But just for the record, I wish I hadn't hurt her so much. I regret breaking up with her and hurting her feelings and making her cry like that. I deserve to be beaten into a bloody pulp. That's how bad I feel right now. Anyway, that day at the rose gardens, it was awful. Her friends came looking for her also and they talked about everything except me. Wanna guess why?  
  
Then, out of no where, the screams of a little girl could be heard from the other side of the park. The girls are transformed and rushed to the other end of the park, looking for the danger. I transformed and followed them. As soon as they had reached the park, I took a quick glance towards Usako and the look on her face was so sad, I felt like crying.   
  
See? I told you I was emotional. I'm not an insensitive bastard after all..  
  
Mercury ran over to a dead body and tried scanning it. From the look on her face, I could tell no useful information had appeared on her mini-computer. Heh, I've always wanted one of those.. As Mercury tried desperately to find some helpful information, Venus and Mars tried attacking it.  
  
"Mars Fire Ignite!", Rei yelled as a magnificent flame shot out of her fingertips and hit the monster on it's chest, it staggered backward and dropped the little girl.   
  
"Venus Love Chain!", Minako yelled, a love chain made of golden hearts shot out of her fingertips and wrapped itself around 4 of the moster's tentacles, Minako pulled the love chain and the tentacles flew halfway across the park.  
  
Their efforts didn't go to waste. The monster weakened a bit. Then, Usa took out her scepter, I think she was going to finish it off. But, the moster wouldn't let her. It mumbled something in another language and a ball of see-through kelly shot towards my Usako. I wasn't about to let some octopus-like freak hurt my Usako, so I ran as fast as I my legs would carry me and pushed her out the way. Once we were in the clearing, Usako looked up at me with utmost tenderness in her eyes. I would've melted right there and then, but images of her dying flashed through my mind and I turned into the ever-so-famous Sarcastic Mamoru and looked at her as if I was amused by her childish behavior. "Yo, Meatballhead! Finish it off already! Damn, you are SO clumsy! And to think that YOU'RE the moon princess. 20 people have died! If you weren't so absorbed in another meaningless self inflicted psychological trauma, then you could have been here earlier!" I said as if I really hated her. Why must I be such a bitch?  
  
I saw the tears well up in her eyes, but my brave Usako looked away before any of the tears actually fell down her soft, rosey cheeks. She ran away from me once again. This time, she ran to the monster and stopped about 10 feet away. She mumbled "Moon Scepter Elimination!" and the monster blew into pieces. Jelly flew everywhere. All her friends threw praises at her, but she just smiled weakly and turned to look at me. But I was gone before she could see me. In my place. I left a red rose for her, maybe she would get the hint that hope was still alive, that i still loved her..  
  
Unfortunately, I didn't stay long enough to see the expression on her face when she saw the rose. I fled to my apartment and spent the rest of the night locked up in my room, not answering any phone calls, not doing homework or studying, not going to the Crown Arcade to see Motoki, not reading, not anything. I was at a low-point in my life. Probably the lowest I've ever felt. It sucked. I hated it. I had to do something. For the rest of that week, I didn't Stalk-er, follow Usako. I went to work and school and spent the rest of my time at home, thinking about her, trying to ignore the damned nightmares, but to no avail, the nightmares kept on coming, but this time, they were less vivid. I thought that I had done the right thing by dumping Usako, that everything was finally gonna work out, that she would be okay, that I would be okay. But guess again. I'm never right. I hate that. I really do.  
  
I wonder if she misses me. I wonder if she's gotten over me. I hope not. I hope she keeps hope alive. I can't loose her. I hope someday she'll see how much I truly love her, how much I neverwated to hurt her. How much all of this has hurt me. Damn, as I look outside my window, the rain is thrashing around, there is not a creature in sight, no man or animal. Not even a car. The trees are getting whipped around and the roads are drenched. And the lightning keeps on coming, along with the thunder. Usako hates days like these. But usually, we cuddle when this kind of weather occurs. I wonder who she's cuddling with now. No one, I hope. I wanna hold her in my arms, and smell her sweet perfume and bury my nose deep inside her soft, silky hair.. *Sigh* Why must fate be so cruel? I thought she would be the only person that would never hurt me, well, guess what, buddy.. I'm hurt.. and so is she..  
  
The End  
  
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AN: Yeah! I did it! I hope that wasn't bad.. I really put myself into this story.. it was a bit longer than "Insanity", but hey, whatever, the longer the better, right? R/R please.. Oh, by the way, towards the beginning, like in the first full paragraph, Mamoru states that he's "alive", erm, that means that he's good looking, get it? Ehh.. I just thought I should clear that up, just in case, you know.. ^_^"  
  
*~Ice1Taru~* 


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